Mental Health Red Flags

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In this podcast episode, we dive into the importance of using the right language when discussing mental health. Host Lisa Boehm shares the work of Dr. Damour who believes that mental health and mental illness should not be grouped together as one category, as they are different. Lisa highlights the red flags that psychologists look for, which involve feelings that don't fit the situation, become unmanageable, or persist without resolution.

It is normal and healthy to experience uncomfortable emotions, such as sadness, depression, overwhelm, and anxiety, in response to certain situations. These feelings serve as feedback that can guide decision-making in the future.

The episode also explores the ways in which males and females tend to handle mental health struggles differently, with females often discussing their struggles and males frequently distracting themselves. Additionally, Lisa discusses the connection between physical and mental health, the importance of building resilience, and the continuum of mental health ranging from good to poor to mental illness and disability. Seeking help and utilizing healthy coping mechanisms are emphasized as crucial for maintaining mental well-being.

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TRANSCRIPT:

Host/Lisa:

After I listened to psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour, I started thinking, maybe we're thinking about mental health all wrong. Today I'll be talking about the red flags psychologists look for and why it's important that we use the right language when talking about mental health.

Hi, my name is Lisa, and I love diving into matters of the mind. Before I began podcasting, I was a health coach. But life has a funny way of sending us in new directions. After a devastating loss and my own mental health struggles, I wanted to create a space where I could help you be well and stay resilient.

Welcome to Rising strong mental health and resilience. Now let's get started. If you haven't heard of Dr. Lisa Damour, look her up. She is the author of three New York Times bestsellers, untangled under Pressure and the Emotional Lives of Teenagers. She also works in collaboration with UNICEF and is a recognized thought leader by the American Psychological Association. Dr. Damour is a regular contributor to The New York Times and CBC News.

Even though she is not a guest today, I thought Dr. Damore deserved an introduction. Her thoughts are the center of today's episode. Her messages are eye opening, to say the least. She says the way we talk about mental health is so important, and while we are talking about mental health more, we seem to have grouped mental health and mental illness into one category, which in fact is incorrect. I love the way that she simplifies the psychology of mental health so that it's easier to understand.

She says that psychologists don't question if we're sad or depressed or grieving. They question if the feelings don't fit the situation. Because if they don't and those feelings are ongoing, without resolve, or those feelings become bigger and more unmanageable, that's when they start seeing red flags. Dr. Damour said that those feelings sadness, depression, overwhelm, anxiety are not always pleasant, but they are normal. Psychologists see red flags when someone has had a terrible thing happen to them and they don't feel these big, hard feelings.

To highlight this, I have a scenario. This is purely fictitious in all ways, shapes and forms. But let's meet Sarah. She's a vibrant and accomplished professional who found herself in the depths of despair after a heartbreaking breakup, the loss of a loved one, and persistent struggles at work. The weight of these challenges led Sarah into a state of profound sadness and depression. Sarah began speaking to a counselor, who provided her a safe space for her to express the overwhelming sadness and grief she felt. She also began to open up emotionally and started taking evening walks as a way to process her thoughts and emotions. These walks became a form of therapeutic release, allowing her to navigate the complexities of her feelings in a healthy way. Sarah's emotional reaction to her struggles is normal. It's normal to feel sad and depressed after a loss. Breakups and workplace stress she was managing her emotions in a healthy way. This scenario outlines what mental wellness is.

Now, before you send me hate mail, this scenario is not meant to downplay anyone's struggles. Please don't interpret it that way. Life is freaking hard sometimes, and it can be really hard to cope. But that's why seeking help is so important.

Another red flag for professionals is how someone's feelings are being managed. If the person is talking to friends and family, they have healthy coping mechanisms, and they aren't using unhealthy coping like drugs or alcohol, then all is okay. Feeling is healing, like I always say. So if we feel these feelings, that's okay. It doesn't mean that we are mentally unwell. We are human beings, and we were born with feelings feelings that feel good and those that make us feel really awful.

My big takeaway from Dr. Lisa Damour is that uncomfortable feelings don't mean that they're unmanageable feelings. Let me say that again. Uncomfortable feelings doesn't mean unmanageable feelings. Unwanted emotions are normal and healthy, and there is nothing wrong with them. Guilt, fear, shame, heartbreak, grief they're all hard. But they are normal if they are in reaction to something that's happened.

So newsflash, and this is for me as much as anybody this means that feeling this way means you are mentally well.

Dr. Damour goes on to say that emotions are good data, which is feedback that helps us make decisions in the future. As an example, even though I'm a grieving mother, when I spend time with friends, stay physically active, and volunteer, I feel my grief shift, and I feel lighter. When I isolate myself and I'm around negative people, I feel worse. That feedback about my emotions helps guide me on my grief journey. So it's very helpful.

Feelings are never right or wrong. They are just feelings. Being human means having feelings. It doesn't mean we have mental illness. But what we don't want is our emotions getting in the way of living life. That's where the problems are. We don't want anyone to be paralyzed by their feelings, nor do we want our coping mechanisms to cost us our physical health or make matters worse.

Another thing that Dr. Lisa Damour brings to light is the different ways that males and females tend to handle mental health struggles. Now, let's pause big asterisks big disclaimer. Even she admits that this data didn't take different gender identifications into account. So please take this with a grain of salt. Rather, this data is focused on traditional genders. But the data suggested that females tend to get better at sharing and talking about their struggles because they tend to react by discussing it. And the more you do anything, the better you get at it. Makes sense, right? Alternatively, males tended to distract themselves, which at first glance, doesn't seem like a big thing. But the problem is that the more you distract yourself and not talk about it, the worse we get at being okay. Sharing so constantly distracting ourselves isn't a great long term plan, especially when that distracting behavior turns into activities that numb us, like drugs and alcohol.

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Now, let's shift gears for a moment and let's talk about physical health just as a way of gaining more perspective. Just as someone who feels unwell may not have a serious physical illness, people may have poor mental health. Without mental illness, we all have days when we feel a little bit down or stressed out or overwhelmed by something that's happening in our lives. An important part of good mental health is the ability to look at problems or concerns realistically.

Good mental health isn't about feeling happy and confident 100% of the time or living in some rainbow colored world and ignoring our problems. It's about living and coping well despite our problems.

So this is a good time to discuss the difference between mental health and mental illness. Remember at the beginning of this episode, I said that often those two terms are being used interchangeably and they're not the same thing. Like physical health, mental health is a part of everyone's life.

Physical health is the state of your body, and mental health really is the state of your mind. Physical health can influence mental health both positively and negatively, and so can life experiences. Being mentally healthy contributes to feeling, thinking, and acting in ways that help you enjoy life and cope with its challenges. Struggling with mental health may result in feeling unhappy or feeling overwhelmed in stressful situations.

Now, let's talk about resilience for a minute, since it is a big focus of this podcast. Resilience is the inner strength you use to cope with stressful situations. It's also a big part of mental health. To be resilient means you can effectively cope with ups and downs that are a part of life. Building resilience can help you avoid being overwhelmed by stressful situations. This, in turn, further builds resilience. It gives you the confidence to know you can get through difficult times when they come up again because they always keep coming up.

While mental health is always there and may be positive or negative, mental illness affects a person's ability to function over a long period of time. Mental illness is not the same as feeling sad, unhappy, or stressed because of difficult life situations. People with mental illness may feel distressed regularly and may not feel in control of their lives. Mental illness can impact how we see our lives, how we see the world around us, and how we interact with the world.

Mental health does not come with an on off switch. There are different degrees of mental health. There really is a continuum of mental health ranging from great or good through so so to poor to mental illness and sometimes even a level of disability. For example, some people might have good mental health and have no problems going on with their daily lives. Everything's good. Some people experience serious mental health problems and it has a very negative impact on their life. Some people have serious mental health problems that last for a long time, and others have serious problems that seem to resolve very quickly. Most of us fall somewhere in the middle. We're generally okay with our mental health and have the occasional struggle.

With the right supports and tools, we can all live well, whatever that means to you. We can find meaning, contribute to our communities, and work towards our goals.

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Your homework today is reflective in nature. I want you to think back to a time when you were struggling and what you did then that helped. Maybe it was seeing a psychologist, finding a support group, journaling, yoga, or other physical exercise. Maybe it was just slowing down and saying, no more taking more time for you. But I want you to think about it. I want you to reflect on that and start doing that thing again. Oftentimes when we feel better, we stop with the therapeutic activities. We think, I'm okay. I don't need to do that thing anymore. So I want you to get back to your feel good activity.

If you are not sure if you should seek professional help, my advice is to have a conversation with your family doctor. I suffered way too long in silence because I didn't think my issues were big enough. If I had sought help sooner, I don't think things would have become so bad.

And if you're in crisis, please call 911.

Thank you so much for listening. If you love this podcast or this episode really resonated with you, please consider leaving us a positive review. Wherever you listen to podcasts, send me a screenshot and be entered to win some sweet swag.

Be well and stay resilient, my friends. Catch you next time.